Student presentations

I have been bad at keeping up-to-date with my adventures here, but this weekend I have some down time so I thought I'd write up my notes on student presentations. As usual, for level 4, students gave presentations about original business ideas. Among the weird Chinglish and strange products, as few quotes stood out. "Pressure" was pronounced "pleasure" repeatedly (just think about "when you are facing much pressure, going to bed is very helpful" or "nowadays, women face many pressures in life" or "people are slaves of pressure").

In my first class:
"Do you want to enjoy your lovers on valentine’s day?"
"help the students while hunting jobs" (I'm thinking... with a gun)
"our slogan is... "magic"" (accompanied by a grandiose arm-swoop- you could almost see the cape)

And my favourite- A group promoting a "superstar factory" where they can make you famous, beautiful or whatever. The whole presentation was pretty good, but the highlight for me was one of the students, John (who was in the musical last semester for EF and is kind of a clown) who was supposed to be a girl who is ugly (holds up picture of ugly face with glasses/ pigtails/ warts etc in front of his head) then is turned beautiful (flowing hair, thick lips and large eyes) by the service. He spoke in a falsetto voice, shook his arms (and cardboard face) at the sky in desperation at "having everything, except friendship and love... because I am so ugly!!" and scared people into crossing the street by his/ her ugliness. His switch into a low announcer/ tv-presenter-style voice for the end of the commercial ("and now, if you want to contact us, don't hesitate to dial...") was the icing on the cake.

Class 2 was less delicious, though still quite quote-worthy.
There was "Dig truth" the P.I. company that will solve all cases, including "high-tech crime, love triangle, economic crime" and promised to work with black and white people, out of their 221b Baker Street address.
Two students promised: "We will only service people once in their life" (I believe about a wedding service so successful you'll never divorce).
A tea shop suggested that "if your product is equal to rubbish, if you don’t have to advertising".
There was a travel agency that made people use their imagination to see great sights. When a reporter joined a tour and questioned the methods was murdered by the guide.
One used the slogan "Yes, we can!" repeatedly and emphatically to tell us how good they were at solving all sorts of sartorial, behavioral or financial problems. The moment when one student pretended to strip and change into other clothes was priceless, as was the response of "who made you look this stupid?!" from the kindly assistant.
Finally, a punching-bag company promised any way to "release yourself" would be made available to you to avoid pressure ("pleasure") from overwhelming you, because suicide and killing parents and friends would really be a pity. (Imagine this being said in a very peppy tone)

Class 3 has my outgoing students but sadly, their presentations weren't quite as memorable, weeks later. My notes read like this:

Falsetto- help! Help me! I can’t see you!- lion: oops- my supper! (this was to advertise glow-in-the-dark clothing to be worn during safaris to avoid getting found and eaten by lions when you're looking for help)

1/3 of our life is spent on the bed- pillow is a very important part of our bed. If have 2 dream pillows, can share dreams. It smells good, but be careful that the pillow can’t be eaten! Complementary pics on pillows to make “romantic pairs” (in reference to special pillows to help you dream better and, I think, record your dreams)

“rear-service”- Cindy… not sure what that means. Company Escort service. Symbol similar to “ming” (cuddly sun and moon) spooky bodybuilder/ soldier “if you feel lonely, come this way →” we have 1G RMB- I am so happy (this group offered escorts to help you with any situation you need- visiting parents, outings, protection etc... I'm still unsure about what 'rear-service' is, but they were very excited about starting their business with 1,000,000RMB as they mentioned it at least twice).

enjoy life, enjoy housea? Oh, you know, I hate my life, I want to have a look. Q&A session- 1G RMB- so cheap? (this group offered houses built on the sea that are basically houseboats. The customer who was fooled into parting with 1,000,000RMB for one seemed quite happy about his bargain during the interview he gave.)

L&F- love and flowers (and puppies?)- boy playing a girl- as usual… dancing- translate The Song- awkward date “don’t you want to say something else?”- “I love you” to Rachel- shock. shut up! Who says I have a gf?- hugs- weird falsetto (students chant “kiss kiss”) (bear in mind that Rachel is a male student and the group was mostly male- they like to cross-dress for oral tests. I can't say I remember exactly what was going on, except that the name of the company made me think of wandering around fields and listening to "the sound of music" and that flowers were supposed to solve all marital and realtional problems)

Robot woman to clean day and night (she will reinforce all stereotypes about what women should do for the house)

"You wish, I do". If you want to go to the moon, sorry not possible. But if you want to be king for one day, we will contact the people at gugong (Forbidden City) and do something. (We will make all your dreams come true... except the impossible ones).