Land of Censorship

My residence in this place has definitely put a kink in my new school year's resolution to keep a more regular blog. Every few days something crazy, weird or just "China" happens and I feel like I should share it with any readers or at least note it down for my future entertainment. Then I realize that all I can do is share it with my laptop until I can borrow someone's proxy and post. Result? No generation of a single written word since that last note from KL.  I have notes about the oral presentations I just graded (they will turn into a post at some point), quotes from essays, anecdotes from Malaysia that I keep trying to remind myself of and that gave rise to Megan's and my catchphrase from that trip "Oh, well! At least it's a good story!" as well as the usual plethora of random meetings, weird and occasionally offensive student comments, new ELC developments and pre-EF gems.

Today though, as I sit in Jenica's apartment, shamelessly using her proxy to distract myself from the pile of essays I have yet to grade and babysitting her kitten who just got relieved of his ability to procreate, I just want to ramble. I'm not sure if these thoughts will be coherent or cohesive in any way, but I feel the need and desire to "share". It's been a stressful, busy and frustrating semester in a lot of ways and I've been adapting to certain new unignorable facts.

Fact #1- I am still in Shantou, China, despite the fact and repeated claim that "I am leaving at the end of this year" (said in 2007, 2008 and most recently 2009). The plan was to come here for a year, live somewhere else in China for the 2007-2008 school year and become quite competent in China, then return to 'the real world' and settle down somewhere, presumably with the reason I came here in the first place. Now, it's late 2009 and I am still here (as an astonished former student remarked a week ago) and by the time I leave (I'm saying it again, and this time hurt me if I go back on my word "I am leaving at the end of this year") I will have spent more time in this transitional place than I did at college. I am a "senior at STU" and determined to change directions as of July 2010. If it's good enough for the likes of Lok, Tracy, Jasmine and all, it's more than good enough for me.

Fact #2- I am now unattached and vascillate between being happy about it and living with thousands of "what-ifs". I won't expand on that state of affairs here, but suffice it to say that I have re-evaluated some things since August and have made some changes in my outlook and performance in life. It feels strange writing anything about this situation at all, but it's part of my reality and I figure anyone who cares to read my blog probably knows all about it already!

Fact #3- I have no diea which direction to go in after I leave Shantou. This is a by-product of Facts #1 and 2 and intensified by the feeling that I have gotten almost all I can out of my experience here. I could get a Master's in TESOL, Applied Linguistics or something similar and remain here/ return here, but I'm not sure that I would develop much more as a person and a teacher than I have already. Without singing my own praises, I think I can fairly say that I've come from an incompetent, nervous, shaking and shivering mass in front of the classroom and someone who thought her colleagues were so far out of her league to a confident equal to at least a few of the other members of the ELC faculty who has at least 1 out of 3 lessons that impart some form of knowledge and fewer than 1 out of 6 that totally bomb. If nothing else, my students will be well-versed in the uses of "it sucks!" and "awesome". I've been trying to vary my experiences here and to that end have become a coordinator, whose opinion is sometimes solicited, and leadership occasionally followed. I have been acting as advisor and counselor to various people around here (most notably one new teacher who seems to be having some troubel adjusting) and feel like this is finally "my place". Of course, that means I feel the need to leave it and so something different. Maybe if it wasn't for the fact that you have to make new friends every year, that doing anything other than planning/ grading or hanging out in someone else's apartment requires a 40 minute bus ride and that the discovery of the library has so far been the highligh of my year, I'd seriously consider staying here more or less permanently. But things being as they are, with 80F weather in November, no easy way to see family or non-current STU friends and no real Christmas spirit, I think I'll take my uprooting and resettling with a pinch of excitement and a healthy dose of relief. I just hope wherever I land it gets cold in the winter! Current interests include Paris, London, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Boston, New York, Washington DC, Seattle, Vancouver, Toronto and Montreal. Anyone have any leads there? I think I'll leave exoticism for my next fit of wanderlust!

Fact#4- I'm barely excited about visiting new places in Asia anymore. I'd go back to Koh Tao or take someone to Angkor (with just the one sunrise excursion probably) but I am not so intrigued by some of my other options. Is that bad? I really should be out there this winter discovering Indonesia or the Philippines, or even another part of India, but I keep having this image of myself bundled up wandering around the snow somewhere and that makes me want to skip the rest of Asia and go home, or at least somewhere familiar for Spring Festival. Decisions decisions. Maybe another sign that I need to move on.

Fact#5- (loosely connected to #3) I think I do want to go back to school sometime soonish. The discovery of the foreign language section of the new STU library sent me into geek-happiness, especially the collection of psych 101 and abnormal psych texts (they have the 101 book I used at Harvard Cont. Ed.) and the random smattering of Greek tragedies, both in English and Greek. Where did those come from?! Not sure what I'd go back for though. Psych? Classics? Teaching? Counseling? Law? Med? It's not like all these hours of introspection have given me any direction whatsoever. I just know that I remember liking learning and that when I sit there with terribly grammatically incorrect essays facing Euripides' Alcestis in the original, all I want to do is find a Liddell and Scott and get to work and that when a conversation comes up where I actually feel like I have interesting things to say (and it's unrelated to the best way to get through grading and planning without feeling your will to live floating away) I feel almost smart (or really dumb when the conversation goes over my head) and wish I could speak with more authority on intellectual things. I've even forgotten which one was the id and which one the ego... oh, my brain, where have you gone?

Fact#6- Students do not feel comfortable when office hours (and possibly other events) are held in a teacher's home. Knowledge I could have used approximately 3 years ago when I moved this weekly ritual from a classroom to my apartment, or at the start of the semester when I'm pretty sure the words "If you do not feel comfortable coming to see me in my house, please let me know and I can hold office hours somewhere else" left my mouth. Students!

Fact #7- Kittens lose their teeth and it's completely normal. (just in case you wanted to know!)

That is all for now. I should get at least 1 essay graded before Jenica returns and finds out I wasted an hour and a half!  Oh well, she just walked in... Productivity (and library), here I come!

Because the STU possess many forigener teacher

Grading this morning was as speedy as predicted and not nearly as painful as feared! In barely 3 hours, we normed, graded and giggled over quite ridiculous samples of freshman writing. The group I was put in for norming was led by our assistant director and everything went quite smoothly. We only had disagreement once and it barely mattered. We quickly got down to the fun business of searching for juicy quote-wall material, while occasionally writing down a number between 0 and 5 on the paper (it was actually more scientific than that but where's the fun in writing "we read and graded some essays"?).

As usual, I wouldn't want to be the only one to derive entertainment from required grading, so here are today's contributions to your new and improved methods of communication (be sure to use at least one of these today, preferably complete with awkward spelling and random extra letters):

- "To tell the turth, I did pulzzed" (rearrange these letters to make real words)
- "I believe I can fly because of my new heaven- STU" (in stark contrast to 90% of the essays that claimed STU wasn't really a place they wanted to be and definitely NOT their first choice)
- "Genious is 1 percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent prespiration" (yes, I know this isn't an original quote, but to me, the spelling just made it that much more delicious)
- "We can learn english from the forigen doctor. We can join the ELC and make some difficult friends. More important, it can teach me to be." (yeah.... henceforth, I would like to be referred to as a "forigen doctor")
- "through my effort to service other people and provide envience to people, I [...] want to make the world more beautiful" (no comment)
- "STU owns many exerlant teacher and student"
- "it is so butifull" (yup, full of 'buti's)
-"It is said that Shantou University is a beautiful school. Because there is rounded with a little hill so all kind of trees where and there. This make me such expect." (this one had many, many more good tidbits!)
- "We have a large and a amazing liberty liberary."

On the other end of the scale, there was one that successfully used "diligent" and "acquire". There is a whole essay that deserves to be immortalized, but I think I'll have to photograph it rather than typing it out so no part of the overall effect is lost.

Finally, as you read these, and future "quotes posts", please remember that I'm not making fun of the students, but merely enjoying the strange things that come from language learners! I'm sure I've said way worse things (case in point, as the cleaning lady was leaving yesterday, I said "你好，谢谢"... I realize that thanking her was good, but I think saying "hello" after she'd been in my house for 30 minutes may have struck her as weird!).
 Anyone have any good/ awkward language learning stories?

As predicted...

grading oral tests was rather painful, "soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled". The norming was fine and unexciting, though it did contain the first gem of the day: "my goal is to be a journ" (that was all he said in 1:30 mn).

I took notes on the best quotes and, ladies and gentlemen, here they are in no particular order:

- 'Journ boy' also had: "If I plan, I will have a good lung" (mispronounced "luck", maybe?)
- "making them sing is bad" (who or why? I don't know)
- "he is too young and he just globe up"
- "it isn't normal to pick my bum at the meeting" ("it isn't normal to pick up my phone at the meeting"... I hope, since that was the question!)
- "it help me correct my fat"
- "he found himself the wrong/ long loon/ loom" ("wrong room")
- "you can bring some information from his eyes" (please explain this procedure...)
- "wearing the school uniform is clean and clear" ("and under control")
- "Washington, an African president, when he was a boy, cut off his uncle's tree" (something about the lying about it... response to "Honesty is the best policy": discuss)
- "I will success, I will succeess, I will succeed" (just keep on tryin')
- "I don't think it's the right thing because it's the wrong thing" (no logical argument escapes your logic, does it?)
- "devil usually forgot homework, devil make fewer friends" ("they will"?)
- "I think I could be a good future... I want to be a sportsnews"
- "we can know each nother"
- "the phenomenons of the meeting" (noteworthy because the rest of the response wasn't nearly good enough to include the word "phenomenon" to refer to people picking up their cellphones)
- "the peer should try his best to streak the children to watch TV"
- "maybe that student is very hairy" ("in a hurry"?)
- "... it is too big and too long... just like mine" (I tuned it at that point and wasn't motivated enough to find out what "it" could possibly refer to in this girl's answer... all I know is it had nothing to do with any prompt on the list!)
- "my mother told me how to do a man... he's a teacher to Chinese and my Chinese is very good" (considering that "he" could refer either to a man or this guy's mother, I have no idea what this could possibly mean, but it was about someone the student admired)
-"every coin has two, has two, has two... [peels]" (maybe "peels"... unsure about what actually came out, but since everyone knows this saying and overuses it, it's refreshing to find someone clueless about what 2 things a coin could have!)

Then there was the guy who told the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf to explain that honesty is, indeed, the best policy, including the common phrase "the boy was so boring" as a reason for why he called out "Wolf!"

The usual mispronunciations of "room" (loom, womb, loon), "decision" (with an "ai" sound in the middle), "success" ("succex") and "abroad" (as in "aboard") (also misused as in the phrase "get my education in abroad/ a broad..." eek!).

D in the video was refered to as "the room master" several times, which I also found vastly entertaining. Got to find your fun where you can!

In other news, I have been rereading blogs written by former colleagues and entertaining new ones with the contents- hilarious, and such good memories. Today was kind of a "down with here and life alone" day, so hoping that tomorrow is better! Stupid stress and anxiety!

Welcome, freshpeople!

Last night was the Freshman Orientation shindig for ELC. In honor of this, every year, we foreign teachers have to find a way to make fools of ourselves onstage. By Friday night, no one had come up with anything, though our fearless leader was under the impression we would be putting together some sort of Michael Jackson tribute, including the Thriller dance and moonwalking... I think she was being optimistic about our combined talents!

Yesterday, 3pm found a small contingent of foreign teachers in my apartment, bouncing around silly ideas, such as the Potter Puppet Pals (my personal preference... might try to include it in EF somehow), the Total Domination song with weird hand motions, a self-referential 'laowai are people too' skit, Old McDonald Had a Farm (complete with charades of animals), and many more. If nothing else, I think we learned that, as a group, we have unlimited potential for B.S. After much debate and dismissal of awesome yet impractical ideas, we landed on charades of animals, hobbies and famous monuments (preplanned and NOT involving getting students up on stage) and then a group performance of "Yellow Submarine". There would be silly acting, guitar music, shaking of pill bottles, air-trombones and trumpets and out-of-tune singing from the laowai... it couldn't fail to get the fresh(wo)men excited about English!

The actual Orientation had its ups and downs, as usual! The band was excessively loud, and I think I may have lost a fraction of my hearing. I got to see the ELC video for the 10th time, at least, and have now resolved to make a new one, provided I am still here Spring Semester. The students learned not to fear their English classes, but to dive in with enthusiasm, while we tested our pronunciation and understanding of Australian English and words like "chilly bin" and "esky"... don't ask! We were impressed by the "th"s of the students who volunteered to read tongue twisters onstage. We all introduced ourselves more or less creatively- there are a couple of ABCs who introduced themselves as such, prompting one of our not-so-Chinese American colleagues to quip "before anyone asks me, I am NOT Chinese-American". We gave pop culture and other references to help students situate where we came from ("I am from Maryland, close to DC where Obama lives", "I am from Washington State, NOT Washington DC. Obama does NOT live near my house... I do live nearish Bill Gates though", "I am from Alabama, where Forrest Gump is from"... it went on and on). Promises were made about classes being fun and/or tough and advice was given about how to tackle the next 4 years of their lives. It was quite inspirational... at least in parts!

Then, came our performance. Before the start, I'd had to round up a few more people to participate, and participate we all did. There were clucking, wing-flapping chickens, a kangaroo that hopped around the stage, a monkey that waved back and forth, scratched and beat his chest, a fish blowing bubbles, an elephant who was disappointed not to be able to use the cries he'd practiced all afternoon. We mimed reading, painting, swimming, running, basketball, baseball, ping pong. The Statue of Liberty was posed in front of by tourists taking each others' pictures (complete with 'peace sign' hand action) and then, for our charade finale, we joined forces and made The Great Wall. I'm pretty sure a few people ran away before we started our slightly tuneless, but not unenthusiastic rendition of Yellow Submarine, aided by a Powerpoint peppered with little submarine pictures. E and I rattled our Aleve and Vitamin C bottles, accompanied by M on the Altoid box. D guitared it up and E and I provided the funky echoing voices in the last verse. It was comical, if not actually good. I felt like we should have apologized to both the audience and the Beatles!

Good thing we didn't do Michael Jackson, also, because after we ridiculed ourselves, it was time for the extra-curriculars show. EL parodied their way through various song snippets to tell of the virtues of the Reading Room (Jingle Bells), the TV Room (Hakuna Matata) and the conversation room (I forget what that was). EC has many, many new programs that were also introduced in song, through rapping in tiny shorts while the couple presenting Cocktail Party chugged glasses of wine most efficiently. CEC's performance was quite strange, but seeing a student perform a very impressive Michael Jakson impression (complete with moonwalk- see below) was the highlight of the evening. Even the Debating Society (STUDS or EDS for short) couldn't surprise us more when they uttered the words "red hairy ass" as a reason why a pig was a better choice of mate than a monkey... again, don't ask!

It was great to see students I love up onstage impressing people with their English, though I could have done without the contributions of a few, including singers who may have rivaled the 'ELC gang' for awfulness!

Finishing the night with smoothies and wine just seemed right!
Today the freshpeople (one of the older students awkwardly called them that) take a placement test, and we grade it for the first half of the week... Oh, I can't wait for my very own 90 or so samples of "my fadder, my fadder, my my my, fadder, she she she... suppor me".

A new year, a new resolution to keep up with this blog!

So... I'm back in Shantou, kicking and screaming all the way back once again! I seriously need to take the hint and maybe consider NOT signing another contract this spring. Remind me of this if you hear me utter anything along the lines of "well, at least it's something, it's a fallback"- it is no longer a fallback. It's a good place, there are good people, friends, students, support for teaching, opportunities for advancement etc, but 4 years will be more than enough.

That said, we started the year quite brilliantly with a professional development retreat to the beautiful island of Hainan. There was the awkward first faculty meeting and group picture, this preceded by the medical "body check" tests downtown which I joined once again this year to hold hands while blood was drawn, meet the new people and get a free ride to and from WalMart with all my stuff. New people are all sort of lost for the time being, but I'm sure will all know their way around faster than I learned to get around town. I still stick to my usual haunts and hope that La Kaffa will not be closed indefinitely, thereby depriving me of my favourite caffeine-providing locale.

The trip to Hainan started on the 5th, bright and early, with all of us appearing packed and ready for fun, sea, bonding and at some point professionally developing into masterful teachers (for those who have not reached that level yet). Flight was uneventful, apart from a cute airline logo, arrival in Haikou included coconut candy (everything there includes coconut in some form!) and the beginning of the Harry Saga. Harry was the tour guide we picked up in Haikou. He was irritating, clapped his hands to get us to do anything, stated the obvious (as in "ok, stand up now!" after we were told to get off the bus), started every sentence with "OK" and ended with "aah" and was generally more than we could deal with during 5 days of forced interaction in 90% humidity and 35C weather (that's realfeel 110-120F according to Accuweather), with daily wake-up calls between the hours of 7:00 and 7:30AM. After a quick lunch, we were taken to the hotel, which had a very pervasive mold/ smoke smell (especially in the room I was assigned and the dining room- enough to put you off any food!), then bused over to Hainan University for a tour during which we stayed on said bus, swung by Evergreen Park, had some dinner back in the hotel then basically crashed as many of us were still recovering from jetlag.

Next day, after a rather Chinese breakfast, we went off to be professionally developed by listening to various talks about teaching English, one of which, from our fearless leader, involved research carried out on myself and fellow faculty members. Apparently, I am easily identifiable as the perpetrator of quotes involving how the language of foreign teachers begins to include never-used-so-often-before words such as "delicious", "convenient" and "hometown". Several people guessed it came from me, even people who weren't sure I'd taken part in this project (about our Chinese and 'home language' selves). The afternoon session of the day involved us splitting into interest groups and discussing various aspects of ELT in China. I joined the Extra-curricular activities group, which ended up just being a group of ELC teachers talking to one HaiDa guy about what we offered, while he told us they had nothing like that and he didn't really know about what did exist at his school, though he suggested that we come up with a way to evaluate the usefulness of these activities rather than just doing whatever came to us at the time. A valid point, but he offered no suggestions as to how to do that... helpful! Dinner that night more than made up for the unfulfilling sessions, as it included a buffet of sushi and delicious desserts!

Day 3 was made up of a lecture/ workshop about the state of ELT in China given by a professor from Macao who had no problem telling it like it is on the Mainland. He may have been walking a fine line, telling us about which newspapers to take from HK and Macao back into 'China' and which it would be best to leave behind, while making it clear to us what he thought of Chinese policy making. I definitely enjoyed the pictures of lower-ranking political figures sleeping through reform speeches in silent protest, boredom or general disregard of their duties in light of the fact that they would have no say either way. Good to see our colleagues reacting to this and nodding along in a not so "toeing the party line" style.
The afternoon was full of bus-time as we made our way across the island to Sanya, land of beautiful beaches and fancy hotels, and our retreat 3 years ago. This time we stayed on a different beach, but the hotel had a great view of our stretch of sand and was close to a bbq area, complete with pushy little girls thrusting firecrackers and Roman candles at me (5 jiao for 1, 1 yuan for 2!) I ended up wandering down the beach with a few people until we found "cocktails" at a "beach bar": 4 mixed drinks of questionable alcohol content at a table on the beach, overlooked by a tiki lamp. It had atmosphere... kind of! New drink: Sanya Bay.

Day 4- was subversive and refused to get back on a bus and get dragged around to another beach, butterfly village, seashell museum and tropical forest (yup, all that in one day!), when there was a perfectly decent sandy area with beautiful waves right in front of my nose the whole time. An unnecessary 7:30AM wake-up call later, my roommate and I were on the beach with overpriced snacks in hand, ready to bake, swim and generally have a great day, starting at 8:30. We jumped in the waves, lay back down to dry off... then 3 guys decided that right next to our heads was the perfect spot for their sunshine-y day- there was no one else on the beach!! Miles of empty sand and they just had to come park themselves in our personal space and take out their cellphones and (presumably) take pictures of us. We quickly decamped cursing the locals and their lack of beach/ human etiquette and found ourselves a pair of wooden lounge chairs with a tiki parasol for 30RMB/ day. More wave-jumping action and perfect positioning between the two lines of breakage of the waves, a little chit-chat with a couple of new colleagues who also went the umbrella/ chairs route rather than the sand/ sun/ annoying people one and we headed back to go hunt down the Muslim quarter for some delicious, non-Harry-ordered foods. No dice with the taxis- they had no idea what the "muselin simiao (Muslim temple)" was. They did offer to take us to a famous temple 20km away though! We settled on a lunch of fish, tofu and egg, but at least, we ordered it ourselves, with me having to serve as the designated Chinese-speaker! Success- I can now get things done, more or less speedily and accurately! I am a whole new person (especially after amazing a new co-worker when I claimed to be "shy and introverted")!
The afternoon plans for yet more wave-fun were dampened by the threatening clouds and intense downpour, though we did manage to make it back out to "our bar" for after-dinner drinks with a bigger group of people. Much discussion and fun for our last day in Sanya.

Day 5- Breakfast (still not approaching "delicious"), bus to Boundary Island where we could swim or join the "water sports games" (oh, Harry and his Chinglish!) The bus ride was fine, the boat ride to the island was quite fun for those of us with a strong stomach- bumpy times! On arrival and after being vastly entertained by some hilarious mannequins in wetsuits- pictures on Flickr to come soon) we excitedly got away from Harry and headed over to the "swimming area"... it was tiny and packed with people. More subversion as a few of us carefully headed over to the next little bay, traipsing through masses of broken coral and happily jumped into beautiful clear water... until we felt a weird shock, heard a tinny sound and we whistled at to get the heck out of the non designate swimming area! There was a policeman on the shore looking annoyed and a guy on a jetski to help enforce the rules. No choice but to turn back and I headed back to the "corral" with two of my fellow rule-breakers (the other 2 tried, it seems, to find a good new spot repeatedly and to annoy the guard as much as possible by keeping eye contact and occasionally trying to make a break for it). Good water, annoying rocks underfoot but fun colleagues did make it all worth the trouble, the staring and the potential sunburn. A communal shower (thankfully no naked colleagues at that time), overpriced drinks, a neutral Chinese lunch later we met up with those who had taken part in the "water sports games" and saw the pictures of them holding onto the coral reefs and picking up sea urchins... my irritation at how these Chinese people (the scuba instructors who condone this, I mean), and other inconsiderate and ignorant people, ruin the environment knows no bounds at this point! I remember being sternly told not to even get close to the reefs when I went diving and here they are grabbing on, picking up random bits off the beach and buying souvenirs made of coral!! Gah!
Anyway, boat ride back was, again, speedy, bumpy and entertaining, made more so by the screams/ squeals of my fellow workmates! More hours on the bus, then the visit of a conference center and another boat ride to the "Jade Belt"- a stretch of sand that looks out onto the South China Sea, a beach with waves the knocked over a few teachers and drenched more than that! The guy holding a turtle that kept trying to beat him up with its 'flippers' was just the cherry on top!
New hotel for the evening and a friend and I went to explore the area around the hotel in an attempt to stay awake past 8PM and find some ice cream/ dessert. The best part was the discovery of the NanGuo Supermarket, not for its offerings (we're better off in Shantou), but for its delectable Chinglish. There were aisles of "bumf", "dentifris", "clean air", "bathebles", "family thing" (yes, singular) and, my favourite, "mop/besom". We did not pay with our "credit carts", but this store definitely could have produced yet more entertainment if we had had time and energy enough for it.

Not much to add about today- a temple with some interesting statues of disgraced mainlanders (with good faces) this morning after a disappointing breakfast and an irritating experience with milktea people who seemed convinced that we did not need large cups and that the small or medium would be more appropriate. Much annoyance at the airport with people in the next line for check-in yelling at each other and shoving into us and Harry making the whole process go about as slowly as possible, while trying hard to grab all bags by the most tearable parts possible. Glad to have left him behind in Hainan! Flight was delayed, we got back to campus after a slight pause on the road to maybe wait for some freshmen. More disappointment and irritation when I got home and the best part of my day may have been the smoothies I had for dinner followed by the Singleton cult movie: Bridget Jones' Diary.

To look forward to (and by that, I mean, to produce fodder for sarcasm and my ever-decreasing patience): Freshman Orientation, grading and more grading... I need to get a squishy stress-ball for this week/ semester/ life!

A few quotes

From random times this semester:

I just have to consummate my speaking paper. (last step of a process essay about prepping a meeting)

I went to the tonsorial shop for my hair cut.

Last week I watching movie. That movie is very hot. (from oral post-tests-can't remember the question or imagine what it could have been to get that response)

Sunday is the first day of a week. (response to describing a typical day of the week)

My father, he often go to bed with somebody [...] it is bad [...] maybe it is good (who do you admire most?)

Everyone make a drink (I think this was a mispronounced "dream")

My major is civil engineer, I want to be an architecture. (At least he knows his word forms, if not when to use them)

I frown upon ghosts. (vocab sentence for "frown upon")

We can see many loose boys and girls in the foreign films. (sentence for "loose")

He has hygienic hobbits. (sentence for "hygienic". may have been badly written "habbits")

The next round of essays should be fun.

Stereotyping

Two weeks ago, my students took quizzes and the results were, as we say here, "less than delicious". One thing they need work on is "fast reading"- basically a skimming and scanning exercise with yes/no/not given answers. At my level, they are expected to read 400-450 words and answer 5 questions in 5 minutes . They tend to just answer from what they expect to read rather than the content of the passage, so I decided to write something completely false to see what would happen. Here is the edited version (to make sure they are not offended).

Stereotyping China- Fast Reading

Despite what you might have heard to the contrary, the stereotypes are true: all Chinese people are the same. They all have black hair and eyes, they basically all wear glasses and they are all smaller than the average westerner. Wandering around a big city in China, it is often difficult to remember where you are and where you have been since you feel like you are seeing the same person over and over again.

While to ignorant people it might seem that similarities would only be skin-deep, Chinese people really do not differ as much as you would expect. They see rice as a basic part of their nation’s cultural fabric and as a result will eat it at least three times a day. Even at breakfast, Chinese people manage to get their fill of rice through porridge, or ‘zhou’. For everyone, from small children to the elderly, it is seen as ‘un-Chinese’ and disrespectful to refuse rice if it is offered. The nation-wide pastime of tai ch’i is just as common as movies would have you believe. It is impossible to walk past a park without seeing at least 20 or 30 old people in traditional white outfits gracefully moving their limbs in a tranquil way.

It is often said the Chinese nation is a one of proficient martial artists. Since the population of this country is so abundant and the resources can be very scarce, everyone must know to defend him or herself. After school is over (sometimes as late as 9 p.m.), children gather at wushu schools run by monks from such temples as Shaolin. There, they are put through long drills of kicks, punches and weapon handling, during which they can be seen jumping between posts, flying through courtyards or even easily balancing on one leg for hours at a time. Girls learn to handle small knives, light swords and long bamboo poles while boys become skilled in the use of spikes, numchucks and wide blades. As adults, Chinese people keep up their skills by taking part in yearly wushu competitions and occasionally fighting for their honor. Crimes such as murder and theft are much higher in China than anywhere in the West due to these skills, but rape statistics at almost at zero as no one would be foolish enough to attack a woman trained in these lethal skills.

The last national Chinese trait that should not be missed is an impressive ability to solve any mathematical problem available. Schools, of course, instruct children in Confucianism, Chinese calligraphy and music (all children play the guzheng or erhu) but without mathematics, a child’s education would not be complete, by Chinese standards. As soon as a child is able to count on his fingers, he is given math problems to solve every night. By the age of 13, most Chinese children can solve the ‘quantum simplex’, an arithmetic problem that confuses many Western scholars. (488 words)


Questions: (Y/ N/ NG)
1. There is a wide variety of typical Chinese facial features.
2. All Chinese people have rice as a necessary part of every meal.
3. Tai ch’i is a good way for old people to keep their bodies healthy and flexible.
4. If you are a woman, you are more likely to suffer from rape than murder in China.
5. A Chinese child who immigrates to Europe will always be better at math than his classmates.

Student presentations

I have been bad at keeping up-to-date with my adventures here, but this weekend I have some down time so I thought I'd write up my notes on student presentations. As usual, for level 4, students gave presentations about original business ideas. Among the weird Chinglish and strange products, as few quotes stood out. "Pressure" was pronounced "pleasure" repeatedly (just think about "when you are facing much pressure, going to bed is very helpful" or "nowadays, women face many pressures in life" or "people are slaves of pressure").

In my first class:
"Do you want to enjoy your lovers on valentine’s day?"
"help the students while hunting jobs" (I'm thinking... with a gun)
"our slogan is... "magic"" (accompanied by a grandiose arm-swoop- you could almost see the cape)

And my favourite- A group promoting a "superstar factory" where they can make you famous, beautiful or whatever. The whole presentation was pretty good, but the highlight for me was one of the students, John (who was in the musical last semester for EF and is kind of a clown) who was supposed to be a girl who is ugly (holds up picture of ugly face with glasses/ pigtails/ warts etc in front of his head) then is turned beautiful (flowing hair, thick lips and large eyes) by the service. He spoke in a falsetto voice, shook his arms (and cardboard face) at the sky in desperation at "having everything, except friendship and love... because I am so ugly!!" and scared people into crossing the street by his/ her ugliness. His switch into a low announcer/ tv-presenter-style voice for the end of the commercial ("and now, if you want to contact us, don't hesitate to dial...") was the icing on the cake.

Class 2 was less delicious, though still quite quote-worthy.
There was "Dig truth" the P.I. company that will solve all cases, including "high-tech crime, love triangle, economic crime" and promised to work with black and white people, out of their 221b Baker Street address.
Two students promised: "We will only service people once in their life" (I believe about a wedding service so successful you'll never divorce).
A tea shop suggested that "if your product is equal to rubbish, if you don’t have to advertising".
There was a travel agency that made people use their imagination to see great sights. When a reporter joined a tour and questioned the methods was murdered by the guide.
One used the slogan "Yes, we can!" repeatedly and emphatically to tell us how good they were at solving all sorts of sartorial, behavioral or financial problems. The moment when one student pretended to strip and change into other clothes was priceless, as was the response of "who made you look this stupid?!" from the kindly assistant.
Finally, a punching-bag company promised any way to "release yourself" would be made available to you to avoid pressure ("pleasure") from overwhelming you, because suicide and killing parents and friends would really be a pity. (Imagine this being said in a very peppy tone)

Class 3 has my outgoing students but sadly, their presentations weren't quite as memorable, weeks later. My notes read like this:

Falsetto- help! Help me! I can’t see you!- lion: oops- my supper! (this was to advertise glow-in-the-dark clothing to be worn during safaris to avoid getting found and eaten by lions when you're looking for help)

1/3 of our life is spent on the bed- pillow is a very important part of our bed. If have 2 dream pillows, can share dreams. It smells good, but be careful that the pillow can’t be eaten! Complementary pics on pillows to make “romantic pairs” (in reference to special pillows to help you dream better and, I think, record your dreams)

“rear-service”- Cindy… not sure what that means. Company Escort service. Symbol similar to “ming” (cuddly sun and moon) spooky bodybuilder/ soldier “if you feel lonely, come this way →” we have 1G RMB- I am so happy (this group offered escorts to help you with any situation you need- visiting parents, outings, protection etc... I'm still unsure about what 'rear-service' is, but they were very excited about starting their business with 1,000,000RMB as they mentioned it at least twice).

enjoy life, enjoy housea? Oh, you know, I hate my life, I want to have a look. Q&A session- 1G RMB- so cheap? (this group offered houses built on the sea that are basically houseboats. The customer who was fooled into parting with 1,000,000RMB for one seemed quite happy about his bargain during the interview he gave.)

L&F- love and flowers (and puppies?)- boy playing a girl- as usual… dancing- translate The Song- awkward date “don’t you want to say something else?”- “I love you” to Rachel- shock. shut up! Who says I have a gf?- hugs- weird falsetto (students chant “kiss kiss”) (bear in mind that Rachel is a male student and the group was mostly male- they like to cross-dress for oral tests. I can't say I remember exactly what was going on, except that the name of the company made me think of wandering around fields and listening to "the sound of music" and that flowers were supposed to solve all marital and realtional problems)

Robot woman to clean day and night (she will reinforce all stereotypes about what women should do for the house)

"You wish, I do". If you want to go to the moon, sorry not possible. But if you want to be king for one day, we will contact the people at gugong (Forbidden City) and do something. (We will make all your dreams come true... except the impossible ones).

Your posterior is...

Most Saturdays, we play Frsibee with students. Different ones come each week, but there are a few we've seen repeatedly. One of them, a boy yesterday referred to as 'active/ good kid in white' is Philippe's student and not shy about getting very close to his opponents (sometimes uncomfortably close, in fact) or saying what he thinks. After Philippe slipped and landed on his butt trying to catch our flying plate and was picked up by another student (crazily playing in jeans and a button-down shirt), he turned to me and asked if he'd torn his clothes.
"No, but your butt is..." I started.
"Nice," added 'kid in white'.

I was going for "dusty", but whatever... Would it have been weirder coming from a female student? I can't tell.

Awkwertaining

There have been a few awkward moments in the last couple days of teaching as we tackle the thorny subject of censorship. For some of these kids, it's obvious that government censorship of all types of media is good. For others, it's clear that the system has problems and that the truth isn't being altogether being reported. Either way, standing in front of a class of 35 Chinese students and asking them "what kind of censorship have you come across in your life?" and "what are some reasons to censor material?" sort of seems like asking to get into trouble. I feel like I have to tell them that I'm not encouraging them to seek out "bad material" but in a way, I guess I am.
We discussed censorship in general and whether total free speech was a good idea. There seemed to be pretty general consensus that a society without any form of censorship would quickly descend into anarchy and 'social instability', would be confusing and full of truths and fake truths, but in the end, it would be quite creative.
My favorite comments though, were along these lines:

"It is a good idea to ban certain books in small towns and villages, because the people there are simple minded and cannot think well about all the ideas. They cannot understand what they should follow and they will be confused. They will believe everything in the books including some lies."
"Sometimes, censorship is necessary. For example, there is a religion that is evil. Information about the evil religion is censored otherwise, people want to follow it. The government protects the citizens from the evil religion." (we all know what she's talking about but no one is saying the words, though one student named the "evil religion" and everyone was shocked that she had said the F-G words.)
"The government censors some information because it is not good for the citizens to know everything. If they know everything, maybe they will not trust the government and there will be a unstable society... [pause for thought] I think this is not good."
"A society with no censorship is bad. One example is Germany... If before the Second World War there had been no censorship, we could have avoided the war." (as a colleague responded today when I related this, "I'm pretty sure there was censorship of things like "I like Jews"- by shooting you in the street". Another colleague who also has classes at my level said his students had also referenced WWII, but said that if there had been more censorship of books, like Mein Kampf, we could have avoided the war. What have they been taught?!)

There was also a reference to a period of Chinese history of about 10 years that was not taught or included in many books (at least not accurately) because it did not reflect well on the government and China in general, and talk about more abstract ideas like censorship in news being bad as we cannot get the whole truth if we only read government-approved stories, censorship of movies and books to protect kids and the like.

We then had a discussion about specific aspects of censorship that were mentioned in our book:
- Should publishing a book that some consider disrespectful to a certain religion be allowed?
- Should burning the national flag to protest government policies you don't agree with be allowed?
-Should distributing pornography be allowed?
-Should people be allowed to encourage young men to refuse military service because they disagree with a certain war or war in general?
-Should making fun of the U.S. president and making rude or disrespectful comments about him in the press be allowed?
-Should selling rap music with obscene lyrics or lyrics that encourage anti-police sentiment be allowed?

Some of these ideas were obviously easier to discuss and more relevant to the students than others, but mostly, they believed that publishing the book, selling porn to adults, making fun of the U.S. president and selling rap with such lyrics should be allowed. Selling porn to kids, burning the national flag and encouraging refusal of military service did not get so many supporting votes, though we did get a little debating going at least about flag burning. The idea that it was dangerous was shot down but a student saying "it is a powerful way to show that I disagree and it doesn't hurt anyone" got a few more responses from both sides. There seemed to be disagreement about what a flag stands for; if it was the country itself, then burning it to protest government decisions would be wrong, but if we hold it as a symbol of the government, then it might be more ok. Selling porn to children would be a good idea only in so far as it might encourage parents to explain things to them at an earlier age, but mostly, we unanimously voted for keeping kids' illusions about the birds and the bees. A student last year who was voting against distribution of pornography quickly changed his mind when another classmate pointed out that his vote would mean that he would not able to view it... there might have been a similar sentiment among my male students this time!
The military service question was a little harder to tackle with such platitudes as "it is our duty to defend the country" being thrown out but, for me, the best answer came from some who quite articulately pointed out that maybe the situation of war would make a different. She explained that, in her point of view, if the country is invading another one, refusing military service and encouraging same would be okay since it is not harming our own country. However, if our country was being invaded, it was our duty to protect it and therefore, refusing military service would be wrong, and encouraging others to follow us would be really bad. I really enjoy students thinking a little further and am very impressed when they can put such thoughts into coherent English words.
I managed to shock a few students by starting this discussion class with pictures and asking them whether they thought censoring them was a good idea by forming a line of opinion.











We definitely got some good conversations going about what it's reasonable and advisable to hide and what is unnecessary, among all the giggles those pics generated. I might be going for shock value, but I don't know.... I think they're old enough, no?

Not the right arena...

Some students believe that grammar exercises are the correct place to make political statements, as in the following examples:

Despite the fact that Japanese have killed thousands of Chinese people, they ignored it and told a lie to the public.
Although Taiwan is still free in the world, it will come back to china in the future.
In these two years, RMB is revaluing stably, whereas US is devaluing sustainedly.

And also, worryingly:
I eat vegetables in every meal although I worry about the insect in them! eww!!!!

Student businesses- class 3

Right after my second class left, we started round 3. It was quite awesome also, though I took fewer notes! Here is what I have and remember:

One group was selling clothes to give you superpowers. Their magic clothes (pictured worn by characters from The Incredibles) can give you the power of flight or fish-like swimming, among others. They were planning to get Phelps to advertise since he's basically awesome and already swims like a fish. Their choice of Phelps images though included one from SI which made him look like he was naked, wearing nothing but his Olympic medals and another that they had stretched sideways- he looked way more appealing that way, let me tell you! They then talked about guanxi and how "if you have a big relationship net, you can do anything"... well, maybe in China!

Another group offered to make your feelings known if you were too shy to do so. "Your feelings, we tell them" they declared! You could choose 3 different packages to tell people you loved them: one included a heart made of candles, another a hot air balloon ride floating over the city to a billboard announcing your feelings to the object of your affection, and the third was your very own set of fireworks, that might or might not have spelled out your thoughts word for word (sounds just ridiculous enough that they might have said it). Their flow chart of company employee policy went from recruitment through training to evaluation which would result in, appropriately, either praise or punishment. No word on what that might have entailed.

One quite creative and freaky group sold a product called "painted skin". Their product was simple: you have problems with your appearance- we give you a new face without the need for expensive and painful cosmetic surgery. The commercial was a tad un-PC with a kid not getting a job ("I failed in my interview for my face so I want to change it") but after his new painted skin makeover, he gets the job. Their claim? We will give you a new face, then we will give you a successful life!" Not sure how many would take them up on it as the price tag for this service was 1,000,000RMB (that's so little money)!

An ad for an Ebay-style service involved too sad kids whining about one getting another mp3 player from her boyfriend instead of the cellphone she asked for (boo hoo now I have 2 mp3 players) and one having received his second cellphone (aww, poor baby has 2 phones). Conveniently, the website helps them match and switch uneccessary technology... the wonders of modernity!

The last group made quite an impression with their $1 bodyguard. The repeated chorus of "one dollar" throughout the introductory section of their presentation made quite an impression. "Bodyguard of 1Dollar" doesn't actually fight for you, but you can call him and he will shine a flashlight at you and dial the local police number to get you some help. That's why he's so cheap. The advertising did have a guy assaulting another guy (pretending to be a helpless girl) with the words "your money, your body!" Even funnier if you know this mild-mannered student! They also aimed to "service the whole country" at some point in the future (cringe!) and claimed that I was so confident in their venture that I, myself, had invested 100 million RMB starting capital! They concluded with "don't you think it's significant to give money to charity? Then contact us and get a bodyguard!" Not sure about that!

Quite the marathon post and in fact, the marathon day of grading, but I am so proud of the students for being so creative. I suspect some ideas were not orginal, but the presentations were put together so quickly that they really impressed me! I'd even consider using some of those products!

One thing I both love and hate about oral presentation day, though, is discovering how good the quiet students are. In some cases, it might actually be better for my sanity not to have to struggle to decipher what they say on a regular basis, but it would definitely not hurt them to speak. In others, the pronunciation, grammar and fluency are so good that I wonder what keeps them silent- is it shyness? laziness? boredom? I'd be happy to get suggestions!

Student businesses- class 2

In the afternoon, I returned for the following entertaining startups:

This class opened with "Damnbowl guys" who help you break up with your girlfriend for a low low price. Apparently, "danbo" in Chinese means something like that. I didn't get the joke, but they did. Their phone number, 666, might be too hard to remember for some people, but a student's suggestion that they just remember "sexy, sexy, sexy" (written across some rather bootylicious female outlines) probably helped. The advertising was sightly disturbing and possibly a tad homophobic and gratuitous with a guy calling for help to break up with his girlfriend. The plan gets approved and when the lady in question arrives to meet with her future ex-boyfriend he is distracted by two girls walking by, giggling and holding hands. The girls then proceed to pet each other on the head and arms and hug in ways that made me feel uncomfortable! The girlfriend accuses her guy of checking them out and tells him that they are "homosexuals!" in a disgusted tone. She then rants about how her parents don't approve of homosexuality and how she finds it immoral. He breaks up with her by simply saying "oh! I need to tell you, I'm a homosexual too!" then walks off and hugs another guy. Priceless and ever-so-slightly offensive and inappropriate.

The other groups were less ridiculous, but still had their "did they really say that?!" moments. Par exemple: the next group's product "Cleaning Panacea: the only cleaning machine you'll need" is so awesome that a famous dancer/ singer person has a speech bubble sayig "Using cleaning panacea makes me want to dance while I am cleaning" and another girl begs her boyfriend to get her one too- "it's a great gift for your girlfriend!" "Why not your boyfriend?!" I ask.

A group of Doraemon fans were selling magical items from the show/ cartoon/ whatever, including a door to get anywhere (I am here, then once I step through it and "oh my god!" I am at home) and memorizing bread with stuff written on it that you instantly remember after you eat the bread.

One group was having some communication problems when they couldn't recognize their own names when called by another student. After they got over this fairly major hurdle, they introduced their product "Heal Can" from "King Air". These are cans of air from all over the world (high mountain air, ocean breezes etc) mixed with chemicals to help you enhance your looks (no need for makeup) or to make you fitter (you no longer need that gym membership). A handy robot (aptly played by a student) can help you by dispensing a can or refilling one you already have and teaching you how to use the cans themselves. The advertisement also included one of my students walking us through the steps of air collection with the words "go to the cliff! go to the cliff! don't fall off!!" and another pretending to climb the air conditioning unit.

The next project was for a home exchange website, a la The Holiday. Their slogan? "Exchange your home, exchange your life". The girl who was explaining the process had the word life accidentally projected onto her decolletage the whole time she was talking, which I found both artistic and awkward. This group also declared that "if you want your company to do well, you should spend money" and their service was "quite expensive... oh it's quite cheap" by turns.

3GB (3 girls + 1 boy) offered "perfect services, serve perfectness" with their Shopping guys' checkroom. Thir slogan was short and to the point: "Waiting? Enjoying!" This service was described as a room where girls can check their men, like they'd check a coat or bag, so that they can shop without their boyfriends or husbands complaining about the waste of time and money. However, as the man's job is to carry things, the service also provides a handsome escort to carry heavy things and protect the money. Also, a good way to have walking advertising, as they pointed out. The men would have access to drinks, sports on TV, movies, internet games etc... all the stereotypical male entertainments. At the opening of the service, it was promised that they would recruit more staff so that "our staff can have intercourse with the customers"... sketchy? They meant interaction/ provide more personalized service but... yeah, lost in translation. I ran this idea by Philippe who was less than excited about the handsome male escort, but other than that, quite willing to patronize this kind of establishment.

The 7th group offered the services of Pet Pet Love, which might have been copied from a real service- I choose to remain ignorant. Their group ran a pet hotel/ cafeteria/ salon and spa for animals of busy people, vacationers etc. They ahd some pretty amusing pictures of celebrities with their animals and one photoshopped to show Putin shaking hands with a student in the group. One hilarious option was the swimming pool/ diving area for hamsters... not sure how that would work out.

The closing performance was about an "idea sharing" business. For example, you need to get your girlfriend a gift. "here, dear, have my credit card, buy what you want"- "Oh! It's so boring!"
Therefore, you invest in this company that says "we need people, we need their brains". Sounds like it's a zombie powered firm, but at least, their ideas are better than yours!

Student businesses- class 1

Turns out I can access the homepage and post blog entries, I just can't read Blogspot... curiouser and curiouser.

At last though, here are the comments and notes from my presentations. I tend to write random notes about funny things they say (on purpose and accidentally) while they talk and I grade so some things might not make sense. I'll post this in 3 more manageable sections:

Class 1:

R-Zone: a bus that has a massage/ relaxing treatments room in back

One group offered to sell a robot superboyfriend: "if you have no boyfriend, he will be there for you. if you have a boyfriend already, he will be stronger than him". One of the students was the robot in the commercial they wrote, then was also the CFO. In his words "I am the financial manager. Also, the product!"

The next group sold materials and offered counseling for people with insomnia because "if you don't sleep well, your money will fly away or you will fall in the river unfortunately and forget how to swim"... wouldn't want that happening! To solve the problems, they have emplyed some "scientologists" who have some knowledge and technical skills... I worry! It is also good to get advice and more sleep because that way, you can (hallelujah!) avoid awkward conversations such as:
"-I have found my true love!
-I know! It's me!
-No it's not! because of your panda eyes!"

After this, I discovered, that there is a way to go back in time with a new time machine. The advertising for this went like so: "Do you miss your ancestors? I'm sure you so, so you can travel back in time to chat with them. Or do you like to go back to the Jurassic? You can go back and enjoy the deep forests and the dinosaurs"... I'm pretty sure that Spielberg already showed us just how bad an idea that is!

My next group of businessmen wanted to market paintbrushes made of baby hair to help you keep memories of your child's first few days. But if you want uch memories and the idea of such a thing makes you uncomfortable (as it did me!) you can opt for wax molds of their little hands and feet, which, though I know it's a real business creeps me out somewhat.
This same group uttered the line "advertising for a company is like a face for human beings; without a face, how can you be known?" before they teased us about the location of their business: "do you know why we choose Hangzhou? I don't want to tell you, because it is a secret!" Their phone number 13411988888, I believe, has a special meaning too.

The second to last group started their presentation with an imagined scene from Heroes where Peter Petrelli who can absorb powers meets with a friend who is powerless. They eat their dinner and Peter falls dead while his powerless friend survives... why?! because of a tiny smart chip in the other guy's watch! This chip can not only help you keep a balanced diet by analyzing your nutrition and make suggestions, but also reverse harmful chemical processes in your stomach and counter poison. Pretty amazing, huh? The students' company was called HK (do you know what it stands for? Hong Kong? No, you are smart, but I am smarter!) and they included a fashion show to showcase how the chip could be incorporated into a student's, a fashionista's or a worker's outfit.

I had a straggler group the week after whose product was "magic seeds to grow all kinds of food". They marketed them under the name McDonDon, a very obvious rip-off of McDonald's complete with yellow arches. An awesome idea though, with such things are icre-cream seeds, hamburger seeds, spaghetti seeds and the like. Just add water and you get the real thing. Perfect!

Playing catchup... again

I know I'd promised myself to be good and blog regularly but it just didn't happen. Also, Blogspot just got blocked in China which isn't going to encourage me to post. If anyone is reading, just remind me you care or ask questions, then I'll feel useful and get my act together!
Anyway, right after my last post we had the English Festival semi-finals. Rehearsal all afternoon Saturday which was very frustrating as nothing was going according to plan: singers were late, dancers were AWOL, a band took 45 minutes to set up, then didn't practice, speakers were really loud or really quiet, the music sometimes had too many backup singers, the powerpoints weren't 100% official-looking, the MCs' clothing had some issues... it was a neverending list of worries. Then, the speech contest went passably well, with the student/ friend I had been coaching making it to the finals along with 2 of my former students, a student of HP's and one of M's. Sadly my current students who were involved didn't make it, but they did pretty well anyway. The only disappointment was the abysmal performance of the purported star of the show, a senior law student who forgot his speech several times.
During Singing Contest, my favourite act (a current student and her partner who I had in my class my first semester) did really well as did most of the other singers. The songs were, sadly, all slow and love-y (apart from the last Avril Lavigne entry) but the entertaining clothes and mostly good singing helped make the evening less tedious than I'd anticipated. For the most part, the contestants did way better than they had during any of the workshops and rehearsals and I was really impressed by a few. The ones who were chosen for the final were basically the ones I expected and I hope they do as well in front of a bigger audience and can give our guests a run for their money (might secretly be hoping that pair I mentioned is so awesome they win)!
After the semifinals, I had the joy of grading quizzes and written assignments. The quizzes went fast, as they usually do, and were graded and ready to be returned by the end of the day I got them. Not so for the papers! As a level, we decided (more or less enthusiastically) to assign both a resume and a cover letter. As most of the students have never written either one in Chinese, let alone English, it was quite a challenge for them. And a challenge to grade. There were some stellar ones that might have gotten interviews and some that were so mediocre I wondered if the students had been in class when I assigned the topic. There were also the exciting and entertaining quotes, such as "the snakes called "JKAOMT AMERICAN FIRES". It is very crisp and delicious", "You can touch me by my telephone number" and "I have been responsible for surprising the accounting and billing department". One student claimed he worked for a long "pyramid of time" and another had the award of "Sock dolager of military training"... nope, I didn't get it either!
In the end the scores were less delicious than the AMERICAN FIRES and the students seemed to realize that. Now, a couple of weeks after a quiz, an oral and a paper, I'm asking them to start on the next written assignment, a compare and contrast essay about culture. It promises to be interesting.

Other than work, I haven't done much! I went to a J-School party last week, where they celebrated the 5th anniversary of the school, and I got to see the dance team which features a number of current, former and known students perform a nifty show where the umbrella-carrying statues of the public art by the reservoir came to life during a rainstorm. I was whelmed. :) That night I also went clubbing/ bar-ing with a colleague and it was quite fun! I got to meet some of the downtown laowai who were quite the step up from the last batch I knew! I went back downtown for a drink and a dance this Friday night, with almost all my foreign colleagues to support another colleague who was making his DJing debut. Sadly he only got to play 3 or 4 songs, but his selection did get us moving more than the 'professionals' who are actually regularly employed there.

That's about all until I get my act together and summarize those oral presentations I've babbled about several times! Next week we do feng shui and design a house with good feng shui!

Busy as bee

You know how the work just comes crashing down and even when you're pretty darn busy you volunteer to do a gazillion more things? It's a little like that here, especially since when I'm not actually scheduled all day, I'm worrying about overscheduling my life!

Friday was fine as far as I can remember with EC in the evening watching Philippe behaving like a cartoon for an hour explaining circumlocution, drawing and miming to explain words you don't know (way too much energy and lack of time management, but entertaining and I think the students learned something). Well, I was working on the quiz till midnight after EC and met with my speech contest coachee for an hour right before EC, but other than that, it was fine!

Saturday I had auditions for the Opening Night of English Festival from 10am to 1pm then a singing contest workshop from 1pm til after 3pm and I was feeling sick most of that time.

Sunday we Frisbeed in the moring and I turned a nice shade of splotchy purple then we went downtown, got massages and spent time not working ahead of this week of insanity. Then I planned class when I got home. Probably the most relaxing day I'll have for quite a while.

I'd planned to make dumplings Monday but that fell through due to Chinese, speech contest coaching, running errands and more auditions in the evening.

Tuesday was no better: 6 hours of class, 1 hour meeting for English Festival, 1 hour singing contest workshop. The evening made it better when Lok and Daniel (very cute, sweet student couple) came over to make dinner and I managed to find a little time to make a chocolate cake. HongNgoc and Micah came over and joined in our little slice of normal life.

Wednesday, there should have been dumplings, but that's still in the works, due to writing of multiple exercises for quiz review for a few students who seem to think that my day between classes is entirely devoid of entertainment so they need to find ways to help me fill my time. Most students are fine but a couple (this morning) seemed shocked and appalled that I hadn't had time to go online and add the latest powerpoint to our class site and write more exercises between 6pm Tuesday and 8am today. Wednesday ended with office hours- no students.

Today is pretty busy too: 6 hours of class, a level meeting where I have to pretend I know what I'm doing (and should be getting ready for now!) and 1.5 hours at English Lounge. The good part of today is that my active role in class is fairly minimal as it's presentation time. I'll post some highlights of students' business plans to take over the world. The assignment was to come up with a business plan and then present information about the company including budgeting their 1,000,000RMB for the first year and making an advertisement. It's fun and they have some great ideas.

Off I go back to the land of work.

Off Topic

Last night was the weekly installment of the craziness known as English Corner. Last year, for the first semester, this club was exiled to the dance room complete with terrible acoustics and gradually declining attendance. This year, it appears to have started on a high note!
By the time I got there, about 10 minutes before it was due to start, all the chairs were taken and there were 2 rows of people standing at the back. It had also already begun, I guess to calm the assembled masses. HongNgoc, the leader of EC and subject of "Teacher Conversation" was supposed to give a talk about tips for improving the students' English and making them more confident when speaking to foreigners. I said I could help and before I knew it, the interviewers of TC were informed that I would be doing the talk with her.
At the given time we were introduced and asked questions like "how can students overcome their fear of making mistakes?" (get over it), "how do you (teachers) react when noone wants to volunteer or it's always the same people who volunteer?" (we get sad, then just pick on the quiet ones... mwahaha), "should we be working on learning slang and idioms to make the conversations go more smoothly and to sound more native?" (you can, but if you overuse it, you'll sound like a weird movie-quoting machine) and, bizarrely, "to the teacher with red hair, is that your natural hair color?" (my dear, noone naturally has hair this color). Why the student thought that this was a question people wanted the answer to or that it was the right time to ask it, I have no idea!
The biggest issue, other than departing from the topic quite so thoroughly, was that the students couldn't keep quiet while others were speaking. Be it tomyself, HongNgoc, the MCs or to other audience members, it was basically impossible for the students to listen quietly. We asked them to be quiet, I walked around and sushed them, we all tried but totally in vain. They could not physically listen quietly. Have they learned this impressive skill, or is it genetic?

Yet another China mystery to add to the list!

The Cellist of Sarajevo, take 2 (now with musical accompaniment)

And here are the results of my students' second attempt at creativity:

Class 1: This piece of music makes me think of Prison Break. It tells the story of Michael Scofield and [someone] escaping from prison in Panama. As they are running away, the police shoot at them and [the other guy] is wounded. Scofield stops running to help him but [a third guy] is still trying to escape and yelling"run, run". Scofield is sitting holding [the wounded guy] who decides to try to make it even though he is hurt really badly. As Scofield supports him and they try to escape, Scofield also gets shot and they both die.

I don't watch Prison Break, but am told that the chances of Scofield getting killed are very slim. I also, obviously, have no idea who the other people are!

Class 2: This makes me think of an old man thinking about his life. He is sad, like the music is sad. Sometimes he thinks of a good memory and the music is a little happier. But most of the time it is sad.

Not bad, but very 'detail-lite'.

Class 3: I don't know. It is a sad music [sic]. Maybe it is about people dead in a war.

Yes... that would be sad... Almost 7 minutes of music and noone could provide more than "it is sad". That makes me sad!

It is a good piece though (by David Wilde, performed by Yo-yo Ma) and I highly recommend it to anyone, especially those who like sad cello music!

So far this semester

I'm not even going to try to catch anyone reading this up with life since my last LJ post (roughly 5 months ago!). However, there have already been a series of weird/ noteworthy events since I returned to Shantou almost a month ago. Therefore, so far this semester, I have....

• Resettled into the apartment, first with Jamin as a very temporary roommate and now with Daniel (only slightly less temporary)
• Been sad that Bucket (the kitten rescued last semester) had been adopted
• Been reunited with Bucket for the semester (his new pet human not having factored in the roommate issue when she took him home)
  
• Met 7 new ELC teachers, all of whom are nifty colleagues
• Returned to Xiamen (I went last semester with Philippe and his parents) with 2 of the new group and spent 3 days between the beach and the non-Shantou scenery- it was awesome!
• Gotten 2 leg massages
• Eaten long awaited sushi (far too expensive in Paris)
  
• Taken part in Freshman Orientation, complete with "Going to the Movies" skit and the Hokey Pokey
• Graded 87 oral placement tests and over 100 written placement tests, some of which were pretty entertaining and others really impressive
  
• Have become a level coordinator, which just means I have to send more emails than a regular level person
• Celebrates Mid-Autumn Festival, Chinese-style, by eating mooncakes and youzi (kinda like a cross between an apple and a grapefruit) and staring at the moon
  
• Have had 2 meetings for English Festival and still no decided list of universities who will come compete
• Have prepared and taught 2 sets of classes (and really should get on with planning prep 3 since I teach it in 24 hours)
• Have met, taken pictures of, read quick bios about and assigned homework to 105 new students (there might be 3 more at some point)
• Have had at least 4 students confused about the homework
• Have been to EL where I was interrogated about my dislike of beer, my hometown (France...), introduced to Haerbin, asked about the meaning of my Chinese name (then asked again right after I had answered- it means "delicate/ skillful cloud), had someone snap his fingers at me to get my attention and where it was explained to me by a confused student that because his computer is old, if he looks things up on the internet, he'll get less good results than if he uses a new computer (whaaat?!)
• Have booked tickets to Shanghai, Hangzhou and Suzhou for my October vacation (starting tomorrow night, already!)
• Made several trips to Wal-Mart, land of the laowai
• Blended several recipes together to make a new one for Roasted Red Pepper, Onion and Tomato Quiche for a pot-luck
• Hosted said pot-luck
• Swum in both the pool and reservoir
• Been creeped out by a freshman called Benz.

I think that's it! Oh yeah, and...

• Procrastinated away significant parts of my time since I started teaching by doing "useful things" like setting up mail forwarding and this new blog....